List serve mention of the day goes to ‘Thieves in a Purple Suburban’ – first off the idea of “thieves” running loose in the neighborhood brings images of plundering, pirates and mayhem – secondly they’re in a purple suburban, I know it’s Austin but really there can’t be too many of those around.

The Lord’s Supper – To Go Version – Would you Like Fries with that?

I’ve notice there is a distinct evolution of photos for women in the Facebook world, and it all corresponds with the relationship status.

Status 1 - Single: Photos of herself, her friends her extended family…maybe her pet

Status 2 – In a Relationship: Photos of her boyfriend, she and her boyfriend, her boyfriend and her friends…maybe her boyfriend and her pet

Status 3 - Engaged: Photos of her ring, her fiance, her fiance and her extended family and friends…and definitely her fiance and her pet

Status 4 – Married: Photos of herself and her wedding gown…more of herself and her wedding gown. The wedding, photos of she and her husband, photos of her husband and their families and their friends….and the new couple with the pet.

From here on out it’s an array of sub status’ – Married with….

Married and pregnant: Photos of her belly, more of her belly, his hands and her belly, him kissing her belly….wait what happened to the pet?

Married with a baby: Photos of the baby, the baby, the baby, her and the baby, him and the baby and we sold the pet for more baby clothes.

Married with children: Photos of the kids, her and the kids, the kids and… is she still married? Check relationship status, yeah says she’s still married but…

Basically by the end the man is no where to be found – you can go to his facebook page if you’re really that curious. He’ll have a picture of himself from 10 years ago with the college buddies, buttt that’s about it. He’s now ghost hubby- by “his” request….riiiiight.

Dear Diary

Just moved to Texas ! Now this is a state that knows how to live!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place!It is beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here..

June 14th:

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.

What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain.. No more mowing the lawn for me.

Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:

The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat?

At least, it’s kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:

Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body).. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:

I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then
popped like a water balloon.

The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol’ Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th:

The wind sucks.. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!

And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:

Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can’t even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:

It’s 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th:

If another wise ass cracks, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I’m going to strangle him.. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire..

My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th:

The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny.

Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.

Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over.

Even the cactus can’t live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:

Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead.

Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? “Hot enough for you today?”

My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas .

What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??

Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.